Wether we like it or not all mothers suffer from the odd bout of paranoia. For me it used to be when my son was sleeping. I constantly had to 'go and check' on him, make sure he was 'ok'. Regardless of the fact that his bedroom door made a loud squeek and inevitably gave him a shock most times I opened it.
One of the most recent attacks of paranoia however, struck as I was carelessly washing my dishes . WASHING MY DISHES..of all things. Let me explain..... The pipes here in Kyrgyzstan are, well, old to say the least and noisy. For instance, when my neighbour takes a shower I hear the pipes being turned on and off. Even in the middle of the night, annoyingly. This obtrusive sound has now seemingly infiltrated my times during Jackson's naps that I get to wash, clean and make meals, by resonanting at the same pitch as my son's cry. Not the wah wah cry, but the Screaming 'something is desperately wrong' cry. Unfortunatley ruining my sence of achievement and making me a nervous wreck whilst doing a harmless, but needful household chore. I found myself stopping the tap and even a couple of times walking over to his room, only to find that I had indeed been decieved and my son was soundly sleeping.

I was really convicted whilst talking with a good friend about all this recently. We were talking about the issue of cot death and how we are now advised to sleep infants on thier backs. Whilst we can follow the advice of the experts, our 6 month olds do not. Both our children are now rolling over to sleep on thier fronts regardless of how many times we move the back to thier former position. Whilst I was fretting about this predicament my friend mentioned that she just says a prayer that the Lord would keep her child and watch her, even when she can't. I was astonished. Of course! the answer to my all my fears and paranoia. PRAYER. Don't we know that everything that is committed into the Lord's hands is IN THE LORD'S HANDS! There is no other place i would want my son to be that held by the one who gave him life in the first place. Now, when I wash the dishes and think I hear my son screaming I can say a prayer of protection for him and , maybe occasionally stop the tap to listen, but pray and trust and trust and trust that He is in the Lords hands. This lesson, I feel, is one I'll be learning the rest of my life.